Senior Smiles

Today is the oldest you've ever been,
yet the youngest you'll ever be,
so enjoy this day while it lasts !

"Senility Prayer "

God grant me...
The senility to forget the people I never liked,
The good fortune to run into the ones that I do,
And the eyesight to tell the difference! ."
--Author Unknown

On Aging....and being called "Old"
As I've aged, I've become kinder to myself, and less critical of myself. I've become my own friend.
I have seen too many dear friends leave this world, too soon; before the y understood the great freedom that comes with aging.

Whose business is it, if I choose to read, or play, on the computer, until 4 AM, or sleep until noon?
I will dance with myself to those wonderful tunes of the 50's &60's, and if I, at the same time, wish to weep over a lost love, I will.
I will walk the beach, in a swim suit that is stretched over a bulging body, and will dive into the waves, with abandon, if I choose to, despite the pitying glances from the jet set. They, too, will get old.
I know I am sometimes forgetful. But then again, some of life is just as well forgotten. And, I eventually remember the important things.

Sure, over the years, my heart has been broken.
How can your heart not break, when you lose a loved one, or when a child suffers, or even when somebody's beloved pet gets hit by a car?
But, broken hearts are what give us strength, and understanding, and compassion.
A heart never broken, is pristine, and sterile, and will never know the joy of being imperfect.

I am so blessed to have lived long enough to have my hair turning gray, and to have my youthful laughs be forever etched into deep grooves on my face.
So many have never laughed, and so many have died before the their hair could turn silver.
As you get older, it is easier to be positive.
You care less about what other people think.
I don't question myself anymore. I've even earned the right to be wrong.

So, to answer your question, I like being old.
It has set me free.
I like the person I have become.
I am not going to live forever, but while I am still here, I will not waste time lamenting what could have been, or worrying about what will be.
I will do my best to enjoy every day that the good Lord gives me and I will try to share His wonderful love with others in whatever way I can.
And I shall eat dessert every single day (if I feel like it).
--Author Unknown

Are We the Ones Who are Aging and Suffering Dementia??"
Recently, when I went to McDonald's I saw on the menu that you could have an order of 6, 9 or 12 Chicken McNuggets.
I asked for a half dozen nuggets .
'We don't have half dozen nuggets,' said the teenager at the counter.
'You don't?' I replied.
'We only have six, nine, or twelve,' was the reply.
'So I can't order a half dozen nuggets, but I can order six?'
'That's right.'
I shook my head and ordered six McNuggets...:(
On Aging...
Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.
Some people try to turn back their odometers.
Not me, I want people to know 'why' I look this way.
I've traveled a long way and some of the roads weren't paved.
What Say?
Three gentlemen were sitting on the front porch of a Nursing Home.
One said, "It sure is windy!"
The second said, "No, it's Thursday."
The third said, "Me, too. Let's go get a drink."
(Thanks to David for submitting this Dec.2012)
Hospital regulations require a wheel chair for patients being discharged.
However, while working as a student nurse, I found one elderly gentleman already dressed and sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his feet, who insisted he didn't need my help to leave the hospital.
After a chat about rules being rules, he reluctantly let me wheel him to the elevator.
On the way down I asked him if his wife was meeting him.
'I don't know,' he said. 'She's still upstairs in the bathroom changing out of her hospital gown.'
Memory Loss?
Three seniors were discussing the short term memory problems that often come with aging.
Senior #1: Just the other day I was midway on the stairs, when I couldn't remember if I was going upstairs to get something or coming downstairs to do something.
Senior #2:: I know what you mean! Yesterday I was standing in front of the fridge with the door open and holding a jar of mayo. I couldn't remember if I was putting it back or taking it out to make a sandwich.
Senior #3: Well, thank goodness that hasn't started happening to me yet--knock on wood. Oh!! Just a minute. Someone's at the door.
50th Anniversary
At the church's marriage marathon, the minister asked Ralph on his 50th wedding anniversary, to take a few minutes and share some insight into how he managed to stay married to the same woman all these years.
Ralph replied to the audience, "Well, I've treated her well, spent money on her, but mostly I took her traveling on special occasions."
The minister inquired "Trips to where?"
"For our 25th anniversary, I took her to Italy."
The minister then said, "Italy, how nice. Ralph, you are a terrific example to all husbands. Please tell the audience what you are planning for your wife on your 50th anniversary?"
Ralph said, "Well, I'm gonna go to Italy and bring her back."
Be Careful!
A tour bus driver is driving with a bus load of seniors down a highway when he is tapped on his shoulder by a little old lady.
She offers him a handful of peanuts, which he gratefully munches up.
After about 15 minutes, she taps him on his shoulder again and she hands him another handful of peanuts.
She repeats this gesture about five more times.
When she is about to hand him another batch he asks the little old lady, "Why don't you eat the peanuts yourself?".
"We can't chew them because we've no teeth", she replied.
The puzzled driver asks,"Then....why do you buy them?"
The old lady replied, "We just love the chocolate around them !"
It pays to be careful around little old ladies !
"The Senior Special"
We went to breakfast at a restaurant where the "seniors' special" was two eggs, bacon, hash browns and toast for $1.99.
"Sounds good," my wife said. "But I don't want the eggs."
"Then I'll have to charge you $2.49 because you're ordering a la carte," the waitress warned her.
"You mean I'd have to pay for not taking the eggs?" my wife asked incredulously.
"Then, I'll take the special."
"Ok. How do you want your eggs?"
"Raw and in the shell," my wife replied.
She took the two eggs home.
DON'T MESS WITH US SENIORS...We've been around the block more than once!!
Generational Gap
For us Senior Citizens--(This probably didn't really happen, but it's funny!)

A self-important college freshman at a recent USC football game took it upon himself to explain to a senior citizen sitting next to him why it was impossible for the older generation to understand his own.
"You grew up in a different, actually almost primitive, world," the student said loud enough for the whole crowd to hear. "We young people today grew up with television, jet planes, space travel, men walking on the moon, our spaceships have visited Mars. We even have nuclear energy, electric and hydrogen cars, computers with light-speed processing, and uh.."
Taking advantage of the pause for breath in the student's litany, the wizened one said, "You're absolutely right, son. We didn't have any those things when we were young. So, we invented them ! Now...what are you doing for the next generation?"
I love senior citizens, and I'm glad we have them !

40th Anniversary
A 60 year-old couple was celebrating their 40 years of marriage.
During the celebration a fairy appeared! "Because you have been such a loving couple all those years, I would like to give you each one wish."
The wife quickly chimed in, "I want to travel around the world."
The fairy waved her wand and, POOF! She had the tickets in her hand.
Next, it was the husband's turn.
He paused for a moment, then said shyly, "Well, I'd like to have a wife 30 years younger than me."
The fairy picked up her wand and, POOF! He was 90...
- As told by
Jake & Saul
Jake and Saul are two old retired widowers who reside close to each other and do constant welfare checks on each other.
Much of their relationship is based on pragmatism rather than real friendship or personal affection.
One day, as he drinks his morning coffee, Saul opens the morning paper and turns to the 'Obits' page.
He gets the shock of his life when he sees his own obituary in the column.
He realizes that the query for info on him by the local newspaper several months earlier, was in preparation for this event. He correctly surmises that it is a mistaken entry from their database, premature and erroneous..It still excites and rankles him, so he calls Jake up.
"Jake, are you up yet?"
Jake sleepily answers, "Yeah, but I'm only now starting my coffee."
"Jake. open the newspaper to page 31."
"Why, what's in the paper?"
"Jake, get the paper and open it to page 31 NOW!"
"Ok, Ok, I've got the paper here, so what's in page 31?"
"Jake, open the paper to page 31 already!"
"All right, don't be such a pain so early in the morning already. So, what's on page 31 that's so important?"
"Jake, look at the bottom of column 4."
"Why? What's that story on?"
"Jake, read the story on the bottom of the column already!"
"OK, OK, I'll start reading the column if you stop yelling in my ear!"
The paper rustles for a few seconds, then a long silent pause ensues.
Finally, Jake comes on the line quietly and fearfully, "So Saul, where are you calling me from right now?"
Sharing Everything
A little old couple walked slowly into McDonalds that cold winter evening.
They looked out of place amid the young families and young couples eating there that night.
Some of the customers looked admiringly at them.
You could tell what the admirers were thinking......
"Look, there is a couple who has been through a lot together, probably for 60 years or more!"
The little old man walked right up to the cash register, placed his order with no hesitation and then paid for their meal.
The couple took a table near the back wall and started taking food off of the tray.
There was one hamburger, one order of french fries and one drink.
The little old man unwrapped the plain hamburger and carefully cut it in half.
He placed one half in front of his wife.
Then he carefully counted out the french fries, divided them in two piles and neatly placed one pile in front of his wife.
He tooka sip of the drink, his wife took a sip and then set the cup down between them.
As the man began to eat his few bites of hamburger the crowd began to get restless.
Again you could tell what they were thinking.....
"That poor old couple. All they can afford is one meal for the two of them."
As the man began to eat his french fries, one young man stood and came over to the old couple's table.
He politely offered to buy another meal for the old couple to eat.
The old man replied that they were just fine. They were used to sharing everything.
Then the crowd noticed that the little old lady hadn't eaten a bite.
She just sat there watching her husband eat and occasionally taking turns sipping the drink.
Again the young man came over and begged them to let him buy them,something to eat.
This time the lady explained that no, they were used to sharing everything together.
As the little old man finished eating and was wiping his face neatly with a napkin, the young man could stand it no longer.
Again, he came over to their table and offered to buy some food.
After being politely refused again he finally asked a question of the little old lady.
"Ma'am, why aren't you eating ?
You said that you share everything. What is it that you are waiting for?"
She answered.... "the teeth".
Driver's Education?
Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a State Police Officer sees a car puttering along at 22 MPH.
He thinks to himself, "This driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!"
So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over.
Approaching the car, he notices that there are five old ladies-two in the front seat and three in the back-wide eyed and white as ghosts.
The driver,an older, obviously confused, lady, says to him, "Officer, I don't understand, I was doing exactly the speed limit! What seems to be the problem?"
"Ma'am," the officer replies, "you weren't speeding, but you should know that driving slower than the speed limit can also be a danger to other drivers."
"Slower than the speed limit?
No sir, I was doing the speed limit exactly...Twenty- two miles an hour!" the old woman says a bit proudly.
The State Police officer, trying to contain a chuckle explains to her that "22" was the route number, not the speed limit.
A bit embarrassed, the woman grinned and thanked the officer for pointing out her error.
"But before I let you go, Ma'am, I have to ask... Is everyone in this car OK? These women seem awfully shaken and they haven't muttered a single peep this whole time," the officer asks with concern.
"Oh, they'll be all right in a minute officer", says the old woman, "We just got off Route 119."
"Who's Driving?"
Two elderly women were out driving in a large car,and both could barely see over the dashboard.
As they were cruising along they came to an intersection.
The stoplight was red but they just went on through.
The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself, "I must be losing my mind, I swear we just went through a red light."
After a few more minutes they came to another intersection and the light was red again, and again they went right through.
This time the woman in the passenger seat was almost sure that the light had been red, but was really concerned that she was mistaken.
She was getting nervous and decided to pay very close attention to the road and the next intersection to see what was going on.
At the next intersection, sure enough, the light was definitely red and they went right through.
She turned to the woman driving and said, "Mildred! Did you know we just ran through three red lights in a row!
You could have killed us!"
Mildred turned to her and said, "Oh, am I driving?"
"What did you say?"
A couple in their nineties are both having problems remembering things.
They decide to go to the doctor for a checkup. The doctor tells them that they're physically okay, but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember. Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair.
His wife asks, "Where are you going?"
"To the kitchen" he replies.
"Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?"she says.
"Sure." he says.
"Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?" she asks.
"No, I can remember it."
"Well, I'd like some strawberries on top, too. You'd better write it down because you know you'll forget it."
He says, "I can remember that! You want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries."
"I'd also like whipped cream. I'm certain you'll forget that, so you'd better write it down!" she retorts.
Irritated, he says, "I don't need to write it down, I can remember it! Leave me alone! Ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream - I got it, for goodness sake!" Then he grumbles into the kitchen.
After about 20 minutes the old man returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of bacon and eggs.
She stares at the plate for a moment and says - "Where's my toast?
Nostalgia...Remember When?

This should bring back some old memories....
Remember When...?
  • Girls had to wear those ugly gym suits?
  • It took three minutes for the TV to warm up?
  • Nobody owned a purebred dog?
  • When a quarter was a decent allowance?
  • You'd reach into a muddy gutter for a penny?
  • Your Mom wore nylons that came in two pieces?
  • You got your windshield cleaned, oil checked, and gas pumped, without asking, all for free, every time? And you didn't pay for air? And, you got trading stamps to boot?
  • Laundry detergent had free glasses, dishes or towels hidden inside the box?
  • It was considered a great privilege to be taken out to dinner at a real restaurant with your parents?
  • They threatened to keep kids back a grade if they failed. . and they did it!
  • When a 57 Chevy was everyone's dream cruise, peel out, lay rubber or watch submarine races, and people went steady?
  • No one ever asked where the car keys were because they were always in the car, in the ignition, and the doors were never locked?
  • Lying on your back in the grass with your friends? and saying things like, 'That cloud looks like a... '?
  • Playing baseball with no adults to help kids with the rules of the game?
  • Stuff from the store came without safety caps and hermetic seals because no one had yet tried to poison a perfect stranger?
  • And with all our progress, don't you just wish, just once, you could slip back in time and savor the slower pace, and share it with the children of today.
  • When being sent to the principal's office was nothing compared to the fate that awaited the student at home? Basically we were in fear for our lives, but it wasn't because of drive-by shootings, drugs, gangs, etc. Our parents and grandparents were a much bigger threat! But we survived because their love was greater than the threat.
  • . .as well as summers filled with bike rides, Hula Hoops, and visits to the pool, or the lake, because no one had air conditioning and eating Kool-Aid powder with sugar.
  • Didn't that feel good, just to go back and say, 'Yeah, I remember that'?
  • Remember what a Double Dog Dare is? Read on and remember that the perfect age is somewhere between old enough to know better and too young to care.
  • Can you still remember Howdy Doody and The Peanut Gallery, the Lone Ranger, The Shadow knows, Nellie Bell Roy Rogers,Dale,Trigger and Buttermilk?
  • How Many Of These Do You Remember?
  • Candy cigarettes
  • Wax Coke-shaped bottles with colored sugar water inside.
  • Soda pop machines that dispensed glass bottles and for 5cents!
  • Coffee shops with Table Side Jukeboxes.
  • Blackjack, Clove and Teaberry chewing gum.
  • Home milk delivery in glass bottles with cardboard stoppers.
  • Newsreels before the movie.
  • Telephone numbers with a word prefix...( Yukon 2-601). Party lines.
  • Peashooters.
  • Hi-Fi's & 45 RPM records.
  • 78 RPM records!
  • S & H Green Stamps.
  • Mimeograph paper.
  • The Fort Apache Play Set.
  • Do You Remember a Time When..
  • Decisions were made by going 'eeny-meeny-miney-moe'?
  • Mistakes were corrected by simply exclaiming, 'Do Over!'?
  • 'Race issue' meant arguing about who ran the fastest?
  • Catching The Fireflies Could Happily Occupy An Entire Evening?
  • It wasn't odd to have two or three 'Best Friends'?
  • Playing all day with Paper Dolls?
  • Having a Weapon in School meant being caught with a Slingshot?
  • Or "getting in trouble" with the teacher meant you got chewing gum or you were wearing cleats on your shoes.
  • Saturday morning cartoons weren't 30-minute commercials for action figures?
  • 'Oly-oly-oxen-free' made perfect sense?
  • Playing "Red Rover" or "Pom Pom Poleaway" at recess?
  • Spinning around, getting dizzy, and falling down was cause for giggles?
  • The Worst Embarrassment was being picked last for a team?
  • War was a card game?
  • Baseball cards and Bottle Caps in the spokes transformed any bike into a motorcycle?
  • Taking drugs meant orange - flavored chewable aspirin?
  • Water balloons were the ultimate weapon?
  • If you can remember most or all of these, Then You Have Lived!!!!!!!
  • Pass this page on to anyone who may need a break from their 'Grown-Up' Life
  • I Double-Dog-Dare-Ya!

    Observations On Growing Older...
  • Your Kids are becoming you...and you don't like them...but your grandchildren are perfect!
  • Going Out is good...Coming Home is better!
  • When People say "You Look Great" and then they add "For Your Age!"
  • When You needed the discount, you paid full Price. Now You get discounts on everything! Movies, Hotels, Flights, but you're too tired to use them.
  • You Forget names ....But it's OK because other people forgot they even knew you!!!
  • The 5 pounds you wanted to lose is now 15 and you have a better chance of losing your keys than the 15 pounds.
  • Your spouse is counting on you to remember things you don't remember.
  • The things you used to care to do, you no longer care to do, but you really do care that you don't care to do them anymore.
  • Your husband sleeps better on a lounge chair with the TV blaring than he does in bed. It's called his "pre-sleep".
  • Remember when your mother said, "Wear clean underwear in case you 'GET' in an Accident"? Now you bring clean underwear in case you 'HAVE' an Accident!
  • You used to say, "I hope my kids 'GET' married... Now, "I hope they 'STAY' married!"
  • You miss the days when everything worked with just an "ON" and "OFF" Switch..~When GOOGLE, Ipod, email, modem ...were unheard of, and a mouse was something that made you climb on a table.
  • You tend to use more 4 letter words ..."what?"..."when?"... ???
  • Your husband has a night out with the guys, but he's home by 9:00 P.M. Next week it will be 8:30 P.M.
  • You read 100 pages into a book before you realize you've already read it.
  • What used to be freckles are now liver spots.
  • Everybody Whispers.
  • Now that your husband has retired ...You'd give anything if he'd find a job!
  • You have 3 sizes of clothes in your closet ...2 of which you will never wear.

Got something to add to this list?EMAIL MEand I will post it on this page.:)



SGLY Ministry 1997